Forum - when topic doesn't matter

If you're sad and generally in a bad mood, then it's time for some...

... forum!

Really, it works. Perhaps it's the way how forums work that impresses me that much and distracts me from daily problems. A good forum has always some really strange attributes that make reading interesting. Not because of the postings related to the topic - they are a minority. No, it's because of the whole rest. It seems people are following the same scheme all the time, no matter which forum it is...

FRISTtt!

The more people read a forum, the more important it is to be the first writing as many postings will relate to the first comment. Smart guys already realized that the important part is not the content but the fact that they are first. So just write "FIRST" and you win. If not the first, just edit the post later and write "second", "third" or simply "Sorry for necro-bumping this thread" .

A topic

Doesn't matter what the topic is about, if you've got a good idea, post it. For example: If there is a news about a guy running on the Mars' surface, take the opportunity to write something about your new shoes or the new cell you got in the nuthouse you were admitted to.

Clever guys use some starting points to have an excuse for derailing a topic. Regarding to the Mars example, write something like "Omfg, did you see his boots?! Yeah, here in Soviet Russia we need boots, too. By the way: look at this photo. Cool, huh?".

The Rant

Good topics always need one thing: An opinion. As many people have many opinions this is the perfect opportunity for you to show them how wrong they are. Remember: there is always one truth and you've got to destroy the infidels. If this means that you've got to start a verbal jihad, then it seems to be ok. Really. Don't let the others win the war they never started.

The Unknown

If you've got an opinion and also a flame war, then don't rely on others, they will hate you for the symbiosis of cleverness and repartee. This means: they will combat you. And people hating you are people not helping you. But what they don't know is: You've got the power of the InterneZZ!

So just register one to one hundred users who are all ready to follow you into war.

Perhaps others might think that these guys are all you, but they don't know so they will start a flame war. Beat them on their own field by a simple conversion. Say things like "If you don't have any clue you go into flame war? How infantile". BAM, it works.

With those hints posting is really fun and helps you a lot to understand how important it is to follow a topic: not at all. People want to small talk and it seems that nobody can prevent this.

Isn't that great? Not really. But for some it is!

At least for the one reading the comments :)